


The First Time

by maschinenmensch



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: And A Slight Touch Of Fluff, Angst, F/F, First Time, some smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 20:54:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8768899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maschinenmensch/pseuds/maschinenmensch
Summary: Erin senses that there’s something holding Holtzmann back. Something painful and buried and Erin just doesn’t know if she has the capacity or ability to dig it out. She doesn’t know if Holtz will let her.





	

**Author's Note:**

> It's pretty much fanon at this point with Holtzbert shippers (including yours truly) that Holtzmann is always the more assured, experienced one of the two when it comes to bedroom activities. So I decided to write the exact opposite scenario.

It’s 9:36 on a Friday night and Erin is staring at a tuft of blonde curls peeking above her couch. Curls she’d like nothing more than to run her hands through.

If only she had the backbone.

She feels a hand on her arm as she leans on the doorway connecting the living room of her apartment to the kitchen. It’s Abby.

“Hey, Patty and I are gonna head out. It’s been a long day. But we had a good time didn’t we Patty?”

Patty nods her head, a slight smirk forming on the corner of the lips. “We’ll leave you two alone, ok baby?”

Having Friday movie night at Erin’s place rather than their usual spot at the firehouse was Abby’s idea. Abby wiggles her eyebrows at the physicist as they move their way to the front door. They holler their goodbyes to Holtzmann, who responds in kind. Erin tries to smile as Abby gives her a thumbs up, the excitement spreading on her face.

Everyone knows how much in love Erin is with Holtzmann.

Except Holtzmann apparently.

Abby has told her repeatedly the engineer feels the same way about her. That if she would just make a move, the two of them could go riding off into the sunset together. Or whatever platitude one uses when they think two human beings are destined to become one entity.

Erin feels that in her bones. She knows her and Holtz are meant to be together. But she’s chickenshit. She’s always been when it comes to relationships. And she senses that there’s something holding Holtzmann back. Something painful and buried and Erin just doesn’t know if she has the capacity or ability to dig it out. She doesn’t know if Holtz will let her.

So the door closes behind her two friends and she continues to stare at that tuft of curls.

“You gonna join me on the couch or just look at the wallpaper? That’s hideous wallpaper by the way Gilbert.”

The tuft of curls turns, blue eyes meeting dark ones. Eyes that Erin sees every night in her dreams. Eyes she longs to wake up to.

“It came with the apartment,” Erin states as she sits on the couch next to Holtzmann. She sits close, but not  _ too _ close. “I haven’t had time to do anything with it.”

“Kinda like how those tiny-bow ties came with the blouses, eh?” Holtzmann winks and Erin  _ feels it _ , like an electric shock. She always makes her feel this way when she flirts with her. She can’t imagine how she would feel if the engineer ever acted on her innuendo.

“What are you watching?” Erin tries to focus. Not on the way Holtzmann’s calloused hands rest on the grey drawstring pants she is wearing. Or the way one of the engineer’s big toes pokes out of the polka-dotted socks she has propped up on Erin’s coffee table.

She’s definitely not focusing on the way Holtz licks her lips before responding.

“I dunno. Some run of the mill cable reality show tripe. I was just killing time until I could get you alone.”

“Oh?” Erin feels her mouth go dry. A million scenarios play in her head within milliseconds. Scenarios which involve various states of undress. Scenarios that result in her heart being splintered into a million pieces.

Holtzmann turns and  _ looks _ at her. As if she can see everything that Erin is thinking. As if she knows everything Erin wants. 

Erin wants her.

“I know Abby put you up to this. I love her, but she’s as subtle as a brick through a window. We’re overdue for a conversation.”

Holtzmann takes off her glasses and puts them on the coffee table, taking her feet off it as she does so. She turns her body so she’s facing Erin. Her eyes are so intense, Erin is afraid they will set her aflame.

“Erin, I -”

She’ll never know what motivated her, even months and years later, but Erin leans forward and presses her lips to the engineer’s. At first there’s no response and there’s a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach.  _ There it is _ she thinks,  _ there’s your confirmation _ . 

As soon as she thinks that, Holtzmann’s hands are in her hair, her tongue is caressing her own. There’s moaning and gasping and she’s not sure if it’s her or Holtz, but she doesn’t care, this is everything, nothing else matters. Holtzmann pulls her so she’s half on her lap, her hands grazing Erin’s bare back underneath her shirt. Erin feels daring so she trails her hand down Holtzmann’s stomach and slides it underneath the waistband of her pants. She feels a strong grip on her wrist.

“Erin - no. Stop.”

The physicist pulls back and is shocked by the look on Holtzmann’s face.

She is absolutely fucking terrified.

“Holtz - Holtzmann? Are you ok? Did I do something wrong?”

Erin slides off the engineer’s lap back onto the couch cushions. Holtzmann leans forward, elbows on knees, head in hands. If Erin doesn’t know any better she’d swear the blonde was crying.

“Holtz? Talk to me. Please.” 

Erin rubs small circles on Holtzmann’s back and waits. It seems like an eternity before Holtz lifts her head up to look at her with tear stained cheeks. It nearly destroys her.

“Erin, it’s not you at all. You did nothing wrong. Not to sound like a goddamn cliche, but it’s me. It’s all me.”

She moves her hand to Holtzmann’s shoulder and waits for words that almost don’t come out. And when they do, they are so quiet Erin must strain to hear them.

“Erin, I’m - I’m a virgin.”

For a beat Erin expects to see the Holtzmann wink, a sly smile and a smart-assed remark that she fooled her. But it only takes a second to realize that Holtz is not joking. She is a hundred percent serious.

“Sweetheart, it’s ok. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Erin tries to comfort her, but her mind still can’t quite grasp the statement she just heard. Dr. Jillian Holtzmann, master of innuendo, shameless flirt and the possessor of hips that won’t quit is a virgin.

Holtzmann sniffles, looking at a point in the distance only she can see. Erin berates herself for being too forward, for rushing things. It figures the one time she actually takes initiative, she ends up fucking it all up.  _ Of course _ .

“Do you want to talk about it? Tell me why? You don’t have to, but I’m here to listen. I’m always here for you Holtzy.”

Holtzmann turns, and her blue eyes bore into Erin’s once again. In that moment Erin knows she will do anything for this woman, she will do everything in her power so that she never looks so pained again. Even if it means destroying the one chance of happiness she has with her.

The engineer lets out a shaky breath and begins.

“My parents got divorced when I was eleven. It was an ugly marriage, even before I was born. They only got married because my mom got pregnant with me. They despised one another honestly. And I got to see it all.”

“I promised myself as I sat in a courtroom as my parents’ lawyers argued who would get custody of me like I was a piece of property that I would never marry anyone unless I was a hundred and ten percent sure I loved that person. And that I would never take a risk and sleep with anyone who I would regret seeing the next morning.”

“So sure I talk a good game. Textbook example of overcompensation. And I’ve made out with more women than I could count. But it never got too far - I wouldn’t let it. Trust me, I’ve been cussed out and even punched a few times by girls who wanted more. But I didn’t want them. I didn’t want anyone enough to go down that path.”

“Until now.”

Erin could swear her heart stops when Holtz looks at her as says those two words. She reaches out to touch one of Holtzmann’s cheeks and the engineer  _ leans into it _ , causing a lump to form in Erin’s throat.

“Holtz -”

“You’re the one Erin. You’ve always been the one. And you know it too. But I’m so fucking scared.”

“What are you scared of Holtzy?”

Erin brings her face closer to the blonde’s, their noses almost touching, their breath warm on each other’s lips. She can see Holtzmann’s eyelashes flutter, whether from nervousness or desire, Erin doesn’t know.

“That I waited too long. That I won’t be good enough. That you deserve better.”

“I could never do better than you Holtzmann. You’re the one for me too.”

Their lips meet together again, but this time it’s slow, controlled passion. Erin finally runs her fingers through Holtzmann’s curls, finding them softer than she ever imagined. Holtz grips her hips, as if she’s afraid Erin will bolt off the couch. When Holtzmann trails her lips to Erin’s neck and sucks, Erin gasps.

“My bedroom. I want to do this in my bedroom. If you’re sure.”

Holtzmann holds Erin’s head between her hands, hands which are nowhere near as rough and calloused as Erin thought they’d be. Those blue eyes look at her intently again. Erin wants her to look at her that way forever.

“I want this Erin. I’m not sure if I’ll be any good but -” 

Erin silences the self-doubt with another kiss. She pulls the engineer by the hand to her bedroom, where they disrobe. Erin is touched by how shy the brash, confident engineer is as she pulls off her t-shirt and slowly takes her pants off, leaving her clad in only a pair of boxers and holey socks.

Erin finishes taking her jeans off (she leaves her bra and panties on, worried she might freak Holtzmann out) and pulls the blonde to her. She murmurs quietly before kissing her.

“You are so beautiful. And whatever happens, know that this doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

“How do you feel about me?” Holtz whimpers as Erin lightly brushes her breasts with her hands, her lips sucking on a point just below her earlobe.

“Let me show you.”

With that Erin pushes Holtzmann gently on her bed, the engineer landing on her back, a look of wonder on her face. She takes a deep breath and straddles her, hoping she can make the blonde feel good. Erin’s obviously got more experience than her, but she’s never been known as a lover who takes control, a lover who is confident in her abilities.

She’s never slept with anyone that she felt this strongly about before. 

She’s never been this much in love.

Erin presses her body against Holtzman’s and kisses her again, and this time there’s nothing soft about it. It’s as if both women realize what they’re about to do, what this means. And it means so much more to Erin than she could have ever dreamed of.

She caresses Holtzmann’s breasts, and her breath hitches as Erin takes a nipple in her mouth and lightly sucks it. Holtz tugs on her hair and she feels it between her legs, never imagining that one movement could turn her on so much. The engineer moans and it’s beautiful, a symphony to Erin’s ears.

Erin waits until she gets a visual confirmation from a very flushed Holtzmann that’s it’s ok to take her boxers off. She moves her hand down the engineer’s flat stomach and pauses when it reaches the patch of coarse curls. She can feel the heat radiating from Holtz’s body. 

“Tell me if you don’t like something. If you want me to stop. I’ll do whatever you want me to do sweetheart.” Erin’s voice is both raspy and nervous. She wants to make this special for Holtzmann. She’s hoping she has enough skill to.

Erin trails a finger to Holtzmann’s clit. She takes a moment to revel in the fact the engineer is soaked for  _ her _ , mousy Erin Gilbert. That she’s turned on someone so much that she’s probably making a wet spot on her very expensive comforter. But this isn’t about her, it’s about the beautiful woman shuddering beneath her.

She rubs small circles and Holtzmann keens.

Holtzmann grips her shoulder with a strength that is almost painful, yet comforting. She rocks her hips as Erin increases the speed in which she’s touching her. She’s quiet moans and closed eyes and Erin is sure she’ll never get this image out of her mind. It’s the most wonderful thing she’s ever seen.

“Erin - inside. Please. Just one.”

She hesitates. 

“Are you sure Holtz? We don’t have to -”

“I need it. I’m ready.”

Holtzmann's eyes open.

“I want you to be my first.”

Erin stifles a sob, overwhelmed by the emotion in Holtzmann’s voice. Overwhelmed by what this means. To both of them.

She positions her index finger before entering Holtzmann slowly, pausing when a loud gasp escapes the engineer’s lips.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah. Just give me a second. It’s fine. Don’t stop Erin. Please.”

Erin moves her finger further until she’s in up to her knuckle. She waits a moment, wanting Holtzmann to adjust before she slowly starts to pull it out. Eventually she’s thrusting inside Holtzmann slowly, mindful of the gasps and groans that are escaping the engineer’s mouth, watching for any sign she might be uncomfortable.

Erin flicks her thumb against Holtzmann’s clit and the engineer breaks.

She can feel Holtzmann’s walls pulsing around her finger, hear the wails of pleasure. And then Holtz bites down on Erin’s shoulder as she trembles uncontrollably. And Erin doesn’t care that she’s broken her skin, she just holds Holtzmann until the quivering stops. She eventually pulls her finger out from inside the engineer, a strangled cry escaping Holtzmann’s lips that tugs at Erin’s heart.

Erin pulls her to her still covered breasts and strokes blonde curls. She can hear Holtzmann sniffling as she grips Erin’s hips.

“Holtzy, you ok?”

There’s a pause and Erin worries. Worries this wasn’t good for Holtzmann, that she’s regretting doing this. Worries that somehow, she’s fucked it up.

“I love you Erin.”

Erin looks down. Holtzmann’s eyes are closed but there’s a faint smile on her lips. And Erin knows that this is real. That this really happened.

It’s 11:15 on a Friday night and Erin is staring at a tuft of blonde curls. Curls that are spread on her pillow. 

“I love you too Holtzmann.”

**Author's Note:**

> See, this is what happens when your mind wanders at work.
> 
> I'm on tumblr - @geekmisconduct.


End file.
